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The Basics: He's a womanizer who can only say "I love you" to golden retrievers. She's a smart art restorer who never fell for his lines. They become best friends over mutually boring interests (antiquing! lemon cake!), and when she decides to marry someone else, he decides to sabotage it so that he can have her instead.
What's the Deal? When this movie was called My Best Friend's Wedding, you at least had the pleasure of watching Rupert Everett steal every scene from the boring leads, you got to hear Cameron Diaz sing karaoke hideously, and then there was the bizarre, inexplicable yet still somehow pleasurable restaurant sing-along scene built around "I Say a Little Prayer for You." None of that charming-stuff-around-the-edges exists in this one. It's just one more STOP-THE-WEDDING movie you've seen before. And before. And before.
Featuring the Wasted Talents Of: Monaghan. I realize that really great character roles are hard to come by for pretty women like her. But she's managed to find some and do really interesting work. Like in Gone Baby Gone or Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. And even in that crummy please-give-Charlize-Theron-another-Oscar movie about sexual harassment called North Country. It makes me nuts when they finally get their name above the title and then get drained of all humanity. Call it the Life-o-Suction, if you will.
Dear Fat Women, You're Still a Joke in Case You Hadn't Been Reminded of That in the Past Five Minutes: Seriously, there's a part where the bridesmaid, who's a size 12 (OMG! MORBID OBESITY!), tries to pretend to be a size eight so that she can look "pretty" for the wedding, then goes on a stupid crash diet and — here comes the spoiler because it deserves to be spoiled — then at the wedding, her dress rips. It's funny because she's a big ugly pig. Thanks for all that empowering sisterhood, Chick Flick Industry.
My Pitch for the Next Wedding Movie: It will star Spencer and Heidi from The Hills, and she's getting married in a long-dormant volcano, and he has to stop her wedding by hang gliding into it. Only then, the volcano erupts, and everyone has to run for their lives but then — BAM! — there's Predator, and he decimates them all. The end. Clay Aiken sings the song over the closing credits.
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